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This post is written with the assumption the reader has experienced receiving answers to prayer, is familiar with the workings of the Spirit, and is currently living in a manner where they can expect to receive divine guidance through prayer.
No message is repeated more in scripture than the simple thought: “Ask, and ye shall receive” (D&C 4:7). Elder Boyd K. Packer, Ensign, Nov. 1979, 19.
I have experienced this dimension of prayer many times. Receiving answers to prayer has been the most sublime experiences of my life—no other life experience even comes close. However, that’s not the end of the story. I can also relate to the following experiences:
When Joseph Smith prayer’s remained unanswered, he pleaded with the Lord, saying, “Oh, God where art thou?” D&C 121:1
When the Savior of the world was on the cross the scripture says, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46
The Pain from Unanswered Prayers can be Exquisite
For those who are striving to follow Christ one of the unnerving challenges we are required to grapple with in our discipleship is that some of our prayers seem to go unanswered. This can be a source of frustration, as well as a challenge to our faith. When this happens we can feel betrayed, and if we let these kinds of feelings take root we can unintentionally invite the adversary into our lives (2 Nephi 32:8) and he will teach us not to pray, whispering, “God won’t answer your prayers because…” and then proceed to lie to us.
I think one of the unfortunate things we do in the church is to share our experiences with answered prayers and avoid relating our experiences with “unanswered prayers”. Telling only one side of our experience with prayer can create the impression that all our prayers are answered. This can create unrealistic expectations in others, especially the youth.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we make an elaborate effort to relate tales of unanswered prayers, but I do feel we need to “sprinkle” a few examples into our discourses.
Following are a few thoughts from church leaders regarding their ideas on dealing with unanswered prayers:
“Very often over the years I have had peace and patience knowing He was there and would not forsake me even though some prayers were going unanswered.” Marvin J. Ashton, “He Is There,” New Era, Oct 1993, 4
“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated.” Russell M. Nelson, “Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 85
“Instead of worrying or grumbling that our prayers have gone unanswered, we should delight ourselves in the Lord. Be grateful. Be happy. Know that the Lord, in His time, will bring about all your righteous desires—sometimes in ways we predict, sometimes in ways we could not have possibly foreseen.” Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Improving Our Prayers,” Ensign, Mar 2004, 24–31
“Sometimes when a prayer appears to go unanswered, it is because it is being answered in a greater way than we can perceive. When we face these trials, we must double our faith lest we lose it.” Gene R. Cook, “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ,” New Era, Oct 1982, 4
“Even in decisions we think very important, we sometimes receive no answer to our prayers. This does not mean that our prayers have not been heard. It means only that we have prayed about a decision that, for one reason or another, we should make without guidance by revelation.” Dallin H. Oaks, “Eight Ways God Can Speak to You,” New Era, Sep 2004, 4
Counsel Me Not
The Lord knows all things and always has our eternal well being in mind, even though we may not be able to discern the reasons our prayers appear unanswered (2 Nephi 26:24).
Jacob teaches this saying:
Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works. Jacob 4:10
When my prayers have remained unanswered, or took so long to answer, that I felt ignored. I’ve mustered my spiritual resources by telling myself that God knows all things, and then I do my best to leave it there and busy myself by “waiting on the Lord”.
Major Mistakes
I recently read something Elder Boyd K. Packer said regarding the difficulty saints have relying on the Lord when He seems absent:
“You cannot make a major mistake without having been warned. I will make a promise to you, and you can test it. I have no hesitancy in making this promise… As you move forward in life, you cannot make a major mistake, any mistake that will have any lasting consequence in your life, without having been warned and told not to do it. It cannot be done in this Church. It doesn’t work that way.” Seeking Revelation and Spiritual, Experiences, Meridian Magazine.
I take comfort in this promise!
Conclusion
Prayer is our spiritual lifeline! We must keep the channels of communication open with our Heavenly Father at all cost, including learning to accept and understand the place “unanswered prayers” have in His plan for us.
I like what Elder Gene R. Cook said above, “When we face these trials, we must double our faith lest we lose it.”
Elder Cook knows what he is talking about. I have great respect for his words and the way he dealt with very difficult circumstances he and his wife were called upon to endure. Click here to see what I mean.
I know the Lord hears and answers prayers. However, when we are in the thick of a struggle to know the Lord’s will and no answer is apparent, I hope we will recall answered prayers and continue on in our struggle faithfully dealing with our “fears and tears”, but allowing the Lord to lead us as He sees fit—after all—he is our Father.
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12-13-08
thanks Jared.I was having this exact crisis in my life at this very time and I was getting frustrated because I felt like the Lord was silent.
I’ll take that quote to heart…”double our faith lest we lose it”
I appreciate your site.
sharon
Sharon–thanks for coming by and sharing your feelings and thoughts.
I think as a corollary to this is the real fear underlying the agony one feels when a prayer is unanswered. It’s almost impossible to not wonder if the reason is the person’s own unworthiness. The real yearning for an answer is not for the answer, but for reassurance that one is still loved and in the grace of God.
SilverRain–My wife and I just returned from a funeral viewing and we discussed the topic you commented on while we made the two hour drive.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Each of us want to be reassured as well as to receive guidance in the area we’re praying about. Sometimes I think it’s the reassurance part we remember long after we forgot about what we petitioned the Lord for in the first place.
By the way, while I was at the viewing I felt the Lord’s Spirit in abundance. I didn’t know the man well, my wife’s relative we haven’t had a lot of contact with, but I’m sure glad we went. The Lord’s Spirit was reassuring those who came that their is life after death.
Thank you so much for this site. I have been praying for months that I lose weight, and haven’t dropped a pound. I was becoming angry at God, as I felt He was ignoring me, and thought my prayers were basically useless, thus causing me to just stop praying about my desire to lose weight.
I honestly feel that God led me to this site, and it has sure opened my eyes as well as my heart. My father in heaven will eventually answer my prayer on His time. I will wait patiently, knowing that I am loved and in the grace of God. My faith will now double,or triple, lest I lose it. Thank you again, and Happy new year!!
I have never shared this before, and always been stuck with the deep well of bitter resent that comes when I look back on this period of my life. I am still looking for peace, I haven’t found it it but, I believe one day I will.
I was young, married, with a small child who we would years later find out suffered from disabilities. I rarely set this child down. At night he would cry 4, 5 sometimes 7 hours, a screaming painful cry. Doctors had no answers. I was exhausted, my husband unable to handle the stress of this new world that had become our life was quickly becoming abusive, at first verbal and soon physical. Nights scared me. I did not have the tools or the support to deal with this. Every night I prayed LORD HELP ME. Looking back I was very faithful, and while I was not perfect I was obedient. Why did the LOrd not answers my prayers. The disertion I felt is indescribable, the loneliness and wondering. I listened at church to story after story of people who had, had their prayers answered. What I felt was silly trivial prayers, the rain stopped before an outdoor reception, a found library book. I lived in constant fear, my child in constant pain. Why would God not answer my prayer? What more could I do? How much more could I take? I never felt like he was there? Where was my Heavenly Father?
Fast forward years. My faith in God was gone. How could I believe in a God who would not answer my prayers. I was in the middle of a serious addiction. Gripped with the reality, that I would lose everything that I cared about if I did not face the music. I began to pray. Prayers that were from a lifetime ago. God save me, because I can not save myself. My prayers ran from one to another with a desperation that I knew to well. Will he hear me? I did not have the tools to deal with this. Quietly my prayers were answered. I felt a love that I had never experienced before. I felt a strength that was not my own. I was lead to people who would help me. I learned to be gentle with myself because of a Father in Heaven who was gentle with me. He was a constant companion in a lost life.
Why then would God not answer the prayers of a young mother who was doing all she could, yet answer the prayers years later of someone who was living so far from a faithful life?
Debra–
Thanks for a heart-felt comment.
I’ve asked the same question. I don’t know the answer. But this I do know, God is love. Everything He does is for our growth towards immortality and eternal life. This is His work and I’ve learned not to counsel Him. Sometimes that easier said than done, but it is still true.
I’ve learned to trust Him, even though it isn’t always easy.
The reason I started this blog is to let others know the thorny path I have traveled with the hope that it might be helpful as they thread their way along their own.
Thanks for your comment. Others will read it and will have their faith lifted.
I hope your baby(ies) are doing well and are close to you. God bless.
To Debra and others out there…
Maybe there is this part of our faith that we doubt and God knows it. He wants us to see this. He wants us to never doubt no matter what. No matter what horrible despicable things happens to us or others. He wants all of us to know that either there is a point where we will give up on him and blame him or we will like Job or Moses and never give up on him. To us these matters might seem so entirely soul wrenching, but to him- a God who is omnipotent and who’s glory and intelligence surpasses all comprehension- it is but a simple test that we must pass or we cannot receive what he has in store for us
whether that be in this life or the next.
We may think that our trails are worse than most, but if you read the Scriptures you will find the many stories of what people go through are probably worse than yours. Maybe if you live your whole life and you learn this one thing you have accomplished all that God wanted you to do in this life. This would be more evident that God does love us and in the deepest and most real way he proves us and purifies us like pure gold burnt and heated multiple times until it is clean and ready.
Its not that what you want God won’t give to you, its that what you want God knows is not what you need. What most of us need is the refiners fire that takes us to where we have never been before- the nucleus of our problems, not the outer shell that we can only see.
We may be really good people to ourselves and to others, but God knows what we are really made of. He knows where we will fall short. Where we need to be stronger: Read Either 12:27-28. Abraham 3: 23-27.
Our Trials are horrible, but a eternity never getting over our biggest problems and living a eternaly damned life is worse. Baby’s have been murdered, Women have been rapped, and the greatest symbol of love was crucified on the cross. Don’t be full of malice and hate, forgive and forget. To the very ones who he created and still loved, the Holy Savior said to those men who pierced him- “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do!”
Take heart you are a disciple of Christ.
I was a Sunday school teacher for many years. I had great respect and faith in God. Until i actually sat down and thought about it. I still believe in God but i no longer respect or love him. If you treated your own child badly…made them suffer…let them go hungry…let them be raped and murdered….would you expect them to worship you? Of course not…thats not even logical. Thinking back over the years, I’ve not come across a single instance of God answering my prayers. Not once. But I am the least of it. That poor starving child clinging to life….whose done nothing to warrent such a cold world….where is its answer? What lesson is it that God needs to teach this child in their short miserable life? And if this child is meant to be a lesson in someone else’s life….why go about it in such a cruel, heartless way? I’m sorry but i cant possibly love someone that treats half the world like they dont exist.
To answer Cat’s comment:
The answer to prayer is not that we get all the things we pray for. The answer to prayer is the feeling that we are loved and cared about and that there is hope. We came here to experience a mortal life, to be tested and to prove ourselves. If you were taking a test at school and every time the teacher saw you hesitate in answering he rushed over and gave you the answer, would you be able to prove you knew the information on the test. I had to go through physical therapy after an accident. There was a lot of pain involved in getting my shoulder and knees to work again, and there was risk that I might fall and hurt myself again. The therapist wouldn’t stop just because it was hurting me. The therapist knew I had to experience a certain amount of pain to get my shoulder and knees working again. The therapist pushed my shoulder and knees farther than I could because of the pain. Today I can walk and I can lift my arm above my head because the therapist made me work through the pain. If this life is all there is, then I would have to agree with you because life is not fair. There is a life beyond this one and this life is preparation for it. My therapist could have let me lay in bed and never be able to lift a comb to comb my hair again or never be able to stand and walk again because it involved pain. If that had happened, my life would be so limited. I believe the answers to my prayers have been: you are loved and in the eternal perspective you will find this trial to have been a blessing. Sometimes because we don’t get the answer we want, we don’t recognize the answer that is there–that we are loved and that there is hope.
I’m really impressed by Cat’s comment. Believe in Him, but not love Him.
My friend once asked me the same question, he asked me “the people that keep talking about how much they are blessed are so ignorant, they just think about themselves, they are very proud that they are loved. what about the people that are starving, there are people dying everyday because of hunger, etc,etc…”
I was thinking about it.
I think God never promised a perfect happy life on this earth. What He promised is life eternal if we obey.
In the scriptures we can find it very often that the Lord asked us to feed the hungry, lift up the hand that hang down, morn with those that morn, rejoice with those that rejoice. It’s up to us to make a difference around us. His just judgment will come to everyone at the last day.
Vengeance is the Lord’s, because He does not want any of his brother or sister have hate or hold any grudge against anything or anyone. It is just too heavy for us to bear. So He ask us to cast that burden at His feet. This is His pure love. He wants us to be free, We just need a little faith to have a happy life.
I feel so sorry for the kids that are abused, or starving, or abandoned, or for whatever reason suffering. I’m doing my best to help, even just to have them at my home for some time, to show them love, to make good meals for them. I really can’t much to change the world, really can’t, I wish I could do much more, but I have my limitations. I’m praying to have the chances to serve those little ones in need, we just need to pray and do our best to make a difference. Leave the rest to Heavenly Father.
I trust Him and Love Him. He is just. Hope I did not say anything offensive.
oh, I love this post. It’s really helpful. Thanks.
Hi Everyone,
I just want to say first that I love the LDS Church with all my heart and soul, always have and always will. I am 31 years old and the eldest child of 6 siblings. After a very hard life of having to witness an abusive relationship between my parents I went less active at the age of about 14. I began to question the church and why as a child, that God will let children suffer in such a heartless way. After becoming inactive I ran away from home, started mingling with the wrong sort of friends and then quickly began drinking and smoking.
I then started to realize in my late teens that I really didn’t enjoy this life I had created and tried numerous times to come back to the Church as I felt like my own spirit had left me when I went inactive.
I found my husband at the age of 19 (also a less active member) and have been with him ever since. We are now married with 3 beautiful girls.
However……Because I have wanted to be active again, I have tried and tried numerous times to to try to encourage my husband to come back to church with me but it falls on deaf ears. I have given up most of the wrong things in life and even paying my tithing because as far as I’m concerned I need all the blessings I can at the moment (very selfish of me but true).
I am seriously considering divorce because of his drinking problems & my suspicions of him cheating. But then he always comes back to me and I always forgive him. I feel like I am one of those “Lost Sheep” that our Prophet and teachers speak of.
I pray and pray again……for months now I having been asking for an answer! I don’t want to divorce my husband because I want to be sealed in the Temple. But if I don’t leave him I could spend many more years trying for nothing and by then I’m old and ugly and will never find a husband to seal us together!!!
This makes me very confused because I don’t know what the right answer is. I do have a close relationship with my Father in Heaven and try to make my home humble to feel the promptings of the spirit, but still have not heard an answer. I feel so lost and alone and have left the matter in Gods Hands now. But I feel as though I’m walking through my life blind with no direction.
I am still faithful and hope that he will answer my prayers but how long should one wait? Am I asking the wrong questions? Is it because I am not faithful enough? Am I been punished for my mistakes years ago? Am I being stupid because ultimately Its my own fault that its become like this? Should I just forget about wanting an answer and wait for it to come?
I honestly have no clue what to do. The pain, heartache and constant worry makes me want justice and vengeance. Sometimes I wish the Second Coming will hurry up
so all the pain goes away, but then I’m still stuck because I’m not sealed to my children.
I can’t win.
Anyway, Ive always valued members thoughts and the Gospel and will greatly appreciate any words of advice.
Love u all……From a Lost Sheep
Hello again,
OK, just read the section from Jared about receiving answers to prayers, which was helpful and has already answered a few questions of mine. I do read the scriptures, I do pray constantly, I do have a testimony and try my best to go to Church. I don’t want to see a counselor because the only one I know has the right answer is God himself. I haven’t given up praying though and am still pleading, begging and crying for an answer, but been less active for such a long time and going back to Church I find it so so hard to know how to identify when he’s trying to answer my prayers. He’s probably already answered me numerous times and dropped hints or come to me in my dreams and I still don’t know. I try my best to be in tune….but still nothing. Jared said it took him nearly a year before he got an answer to his prayer, its taken me this long…whats another year.
From……Still a Lost Sheep
Hi Paula,
I read your comments and have a sense of the frustration you’re experiencing.
Life can be very painful when those closest to us are bearers of pain, bringing it home nearly every day.
I wouldn’t begin to offer you counsel regarding your husband, but I hope you will contact your Bishop and together seek the Lord’s guidance for your particular circumstances.
I commend you for being a woman of faith, it lead you to return to activity in the church.
My experience has taught me that the Lord will not let us down, but he will try our faith, and require us to be patient.
Things could be much worse, express gratitude to the Lord for the good things you have. I suggest you list all the good things you have on a piece of paper and review the list daily. It may surprise you what the Lord has done!
When I was in viet nam as a solider I did my best to be cheerful when things were at there worst. Sometimes it was hard to find things to be thankful for, but the more I thought about it, the more my list grew.
Thank you Jared,
You are very wise. I will continue to be faithful and patient and will have that talk with my Bishop. Thank you so much.
I am often puzzled at the dismay people feel when God doesn’t answer their prayers according to their will. Every successful relationship, bar none, requires each person tune in to the benefit of the other. Yet how many times, under the guise of prayer, do we demand of God – treating him as our personal Genie who waits to comply with our “authoritative, all powerful” beckon call – instead of praying according to his will, as led by the Holy Spirit who is also God. Both non-Christians and selfish Christians alike pray strictly from belief, not God-given faith, and belief apart from faith is selfish expectation, the surest of barriers between us and God. Conversely, belief based on God-given faith guarantees answer to prayer, but is possible only by aligning our heart, mind, and spirit with God’s will through obedient humble submission to his will.
God’s plan and God’s will work hand in hand, and when we are not in tune with God’s will, our prayers go against God’s plan. When God gives faith for a specific situation – his promissory note of inevitability – and if we then exercise belief in that faith, God will answer our prayer 100% of the time, bar none. However, the degree to which God honors the specific details of our prayer depends entirely upon the degree to which our prayer is wholly aligned with his will for that situation.
So, if I am to know for certain that God will answer my prayer according to the specific details of my prayer, I must first, through obedient humble submission, align my heart, mind, and spirit with God’s will. His will becomes my will, allowing me to know his will, and thereby pray according to his will, not mine. And second, I must exercise belief in the situation-specific faith God gives to me – the result; answered prayer, because belief based on God-given faith = answered prayer 100% of the time, bar none. The answer to my prayer, according to the specifics of my prayer, is on its way because God wills it according to his plan. My prayer is already answered, and all that remains is thanking, praising, and worshipping him for staying true to his promise, the promise given me by his situation-specific provision of faith.
Where belief is absent, doubt replaces faith; without faith, belief is selfish expectation.
Hi Jared,
Thank you so very much for this article. It really gave me a hope and helped me to have more faith and be patient. I’m a return missionary and I do have a testimony that the Lord and Heavenly Father are real and have special experiences that I cannot ignore that their real. However life after my mission was not the way I’ve expected to have. It’s a year now and all my friends, all church friends who are return missionaries like me and relatives who’re in my age are so blessed and living the life according to their dreams and wishes and improving their lives but I’m stuck. I don’t have a plan for my life or I don’t know what I’m gonna do or anything and nothings working. I’m so worried about my future and felt Heavenly Father has totally forgotten me and ignoring my prayers. It’s so painful! I’m grateful for all the blessings He given me but wonder why He’s testing my faith this much or I feel like he completely forgotten me. However Thank you so much for this article. It gave me a new hope. I might sleep well today or do something with a hope. again Thank you so much. Have a nice day.
I was trapped in a terrible ward, in a terrible job with the church, praying to be able to get out. I prayed to know what to do, where to go. No answer. No guidance. No comfort. I eventually got out to a somewhat better place.
It’s really hard when people in the church are awful to you and you pray to God for help…and you don’t get any. I never experienced anything like that before in my life.
What can My god do for Me? Why isn’t he giving me what I want? What buttons do I push to get more blessings for Me? Maybe I need to be more righteous, so he will deem Me worthy. What if it’s not about Me?
What if we are the answers to each others prayers?
Hi Jared,
You made reference to Christ’s expression on the cross of “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me.” I don’t know if you have ever heard or been taught this, but when Christ said that he was actually bearing testimony of who he was. This is the way that Psalms 22 begins. It was a fulfillment of David’s prophecy of the Lord and all of the things that Christ would experience. There is a possibility that Christ even recited the whole chapter (even sang it as they did back then)…and then he gave up the ghost. Anyone who heard him would have known what he was referring to as they would have been very familiar with the text of Psalms 22. I just thought that was interesting and I wanted to share it with you.
To all of those above who have feelings of abandonment, resentment, anger and discouragement because of unanswered prayer I want you to know that I have been in that place too. I didn’t know how to handle not receiving answers when the answers I sought was for people I loved so much. I became angry, and resentful. That darkness and depression lasted for a few years and yet in my heart I knew that God is a God of love. I just didn’t understand why I couldn’t get answers. I persisted in my church attendance and doing what was asked of me. ….and, I did exactly what Satan wanted me to do and stopped reading my scriptures and believed the lies he whispered in my ears. I still kept the connection with God and talked to him in my heart, but I didn’t kneel and address Him formally.
Gratefully I am not in that place anymore. I can’t even tell you why it changed for me. But I know that it was in God’s own time that it did. Do I still feel that prayers go unanswered? Yes. Often. But I have learned to turn my heart to the Lord in trust and I have given up my need to want to control the circumstances in my life and have tried to give control to Him (I am not perfect at this ). Has the one thing that I needed help with so badly regarding a loved one changed? Nope. But I know that the greatest thing that I can do is to try and sanctify myself through the Atonement so that I can have claim upon all of the promises of the Lord. In due time, they will all be fulfilled.
I believe that it was necessary for me to go through this period of darkness. There is opposition in all things. There are times that you have to travel through the dark abyss, but I promise you that in the Lord’s due time he will reach down and snatch you up and you will see the other side of the darkness, which is joy, clarity, and peace. I am so grateful that I have gone through this experience (I hated it at the time). It has deepened my understanding of life and expanded my compassion and love for my fellow sojourners in life. All I can tell you is that I am a better me having passed through these experiences (which weren’t fun at all). Carry on, carry on….He loves you.
If you can go from the periodic prayer of “O God, do this for me,” to making the continual prayer of your heart “O God, what may I do to serve thee this day?”, you will find life gets very interesting, in a very good way.