This post is written with the assumption the reader has experience receiving answer to prayer, is familiar with the workings of the Spirit, and is currently living in a manner where they can expect to receive divine guidance through prayer.
No message is repeated more times in scripture than the simple thought: “Ask, and ye shall receive” (D&C 4:7). Elder Boyd K. Packer, Ensign, Nov. 1979, 19.
I have experienced this dimension of prayer many times. Receiving answers to prayer has been the most sublime experiences of my life—no other life experience even comes close. However, that’s not the end of the story. I can also relate to the following experiences:
When Joseph Smith prayer’s remained unanswered, he pleaded with the Lord, saying, “Oh, God where art thou?” D&C 121:1
When the Savior of the world was on the cross the scripture says, “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46
The Pain from Unanswered Prayers can be Exquisite
For those who are striving to follow Christ one of the unnerving challenges we are required to grapple with in our discipleship is that some of our prayers seem to go unanswered. This can be a source of frustration, as well as a challenge to our faith. When this happens we can feel betrayed, and if we let these kinds of feelings take root we can unintentionally invite the adversary into our lives (2 Nephi 32:8) and he will teach us not to pray, whispering, “God won’t answer your prayers because…” and then proceed to lie to us.
I think one of the unfortunate things we do in the church is to share our experiences with answered prayers and avoid relating our experiences with “unanswered prayers”. Telling only one side of our experience with prayer can create the impression that all our prayers are answered. This can create unrealistic expectations in others, especially the youth.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we make an elaborate effort to relate tales of unanswered prayers, but I do feel we need to “sprinkle” a few examples into our discourses.
Following are a few thoughts from church leaders regarding their ideas on dealing with unanswered prayers:
“Very often over the years I have had peace and patience knowing He was there and would not forsake me even though some prayers were going unanswered.” Marvin J. Ashton, “He Is There,” New Era, Oct 1993, 4
“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated.” Russell M. Nelson, “Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,” Ensign, Nov 2005, 85
“Instead of worrying or grumbling that our prayers have gone unanswered, we should delight ourselves in the Lord. Be grateful. Be happy. Know that the Lord, in His time, will bring about all your righteous desires—sometimes in ways we predict, sometimes in ways we could not have possibly foreseen.” Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Improving Our Prayers,” Ensign, Mar 2004, 24–31
“Sometimes when a prayer appears to go unanswered, it is because it is being answered in a greater way than we can perceive. When we face these trials, we must double our faith lest we lose it.” Gene R. Cook, “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ,” New Era, Oct 1982, 4
“Even in decisions we think very important, we sometimes receive no answer to our prayers. This does not mean that our prayers have not been heard. It means only that we have prayed about a decision that, for one reason or another, we should make without guidance by revelation.” Dallin H. Oaks, “Eight Ways God Can Speak to You,” New Era, Sep 2004, 4
Counsel Me Not
The Lord knows all things and always has our eternal well being in mind, even though we may not be able to discern the reasons our prayers appear unanswered (2 Nephi 26:24).
Jacob teaches this saying:
Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand. For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works. Jacob 4:10
Those times when my prayers have remained unanswered, or took so long to answer, that I felt ignored; I’ve mustered my spiritual resources by telling myself that God knows all things, and then I do my best to leave it there and busy myself by “waiting on the Lord”.
Major Mistakes
I recently read something Elder Boyd K. Packer said regarding the difficulty saints have when they rely on the Lord and He seems to be absent:
“You cannot make a major mistake without having been warned. I will make a promise to you, and you can test it. I have no hesitancy in making this promise… As you move forward in life, you cannot make a major mistake, any mistake that will have any lasting consequence in your life, without having been warned and told not to do it. It cannot be done in this Church. It doesn’t work that way.” Seeking Revelation and Spiritual, Experiences, Meridian Magazine.
I take comfort in this promise!
Conclusion
Prayer is our spiritual lifeline! We must keep the channels of communication open with our Heavenly Father at all cost, including learning to accept and understand the place “unanswered prayers” have in His plan for us.
I like what Elder Gene R. Cook said above, “When we face these trials, we must double our faith lest we lose it.”
Elder Cook knows what he is talking about. I have great respect for his words and the way he dealt with very difficult circumstances he and his wife were called upon to endure. Click here to see what I mean.
I know the Lord hears and answers prayers and when we are in the thick of a struggle with the Lord as we seek His will and it appears it isn’t available, I hope we will recall answered prayers and continue on in our struggle faithfully dealing with our “fears and tears”, but allowing the Lord to lead us as He sees fit—after all, he is our Father.
thanks Jared.I was having this exact crisis in my life at this very time and I was getting frustrated because I felt like the Lord was silent.
I’ll take that quote to heart…”double our faith lest we lose it”
I appreciate your site.
sharon
Sharon–thanks for coming by and sharing your feelings and thoughts.
I think as a corollary to this is the real fear underlying the agony one feels when a prayer is unanswered. It’s almost impossible to not wonder if the reason is the person’s own unworthiness. The real yearning for an answer is not for the answer, but for reassurance that one is still loved and in the grace of God.
SilverRain–My wife and I just returned from a funeral viewing and we discussed the topic you commented on while we made the two hour drive.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Each of us want to be reassured as well as to receive guidance in the area we’re praying about. Sometimes I think it’s the reassurance part we remember long after we forgot about what we petitioned the Lord for in the first place.
By the way, while I was at the viewing I felt the Lord’s Spirit in abundance. I didn’t know the man well, my wife’s relative we haven’t had a lot of contact with, but I’m sure glad we went. The Lord’s Spirit was reassuring those who came that their is life after death.
Thank you so much for this site. I have been praying for months that I lose weight, and haven’t dropped a pound. I was becoming angry at God, as I felt He was ignoring me, and thought my prayers were basically useless, thus causing me to just stop praying about my desire to lose weight.
I honestly feel that God led me to this site, and it has sure opened my eyes as well as my heart. My father in heaven will eventually answer my prayer on His time. I will wait patiently, knowing that I am loved and in the grace of God. My faith will now double,or triple, lest I lose it. Thank you again, and Happy new year!!
I have never shared this before, and always been stuck with the deep well of bitter resent that comes when I look back on this period of my life. I am still looking for peace, I haven’t found it it but, I believe one day I will.
I was young, married, with a small child who we would years later find out suffered from disabilities. I rarely set this child down. At night he would cry 4, 5 sometimes 7 hours, a screaming painful cry. Doctors had no answers. I was exhausted, my husband unable to handle the stress of this new world that had become our life was quickly becoming abusive, at first verbal and soon physical. Nights scared me. I did not have the tools or the support to deal with this. Every night I prayed LORD HELP ME. Looking back I was very faithful, and while I was not perfect I was obedient. Why did the LOrd not answers my prayers. The disertion I felt is indescribable, the loneliness and wondering. I listened at church to story after story of people who had, had their prayers answered. What I felt was silly trivial prayers, the rain stopped before an outdoor reception, a found library book. I lived in constant fear, my child in constant pain. Why would God not answer my prayer? What more could I do? How much more could I take? I never felt like he was there? Where was my Heavenly Father?
Fast forward years. My faith in God was gone. How could I believe in a God who would not answer my prayers. I was in the middle of a serious addiction. Gripped with the reality, that I would lose everything that I cared about if I did not face the music. I began to pray. Prayers that were from a lifetime ago. God save me, because I can not save myself. My prayers ran from one to another with a desperation that I knew to well. Will he hear me? I did not have the tools to deal with this. Quietly my prayers were answered. I felt a love that I had never experienced before. I felt a strength that was not my own. I was lead to people who would help me. I learned to be gentle with myself because of a Father in Heaven who was gentle with me. He was a constant companion in a lost life.
Why then would God not answer the prayers of a young mother who was doing all she could, yet answer the prayers years later of someone who was living so far from a faithful life?
Debra–
Thanks for a heart-felt comment.
I’ve asked the same question. I don’t know the answer. But this I do know, God is love. Everything He does is for our growth towards immortality and eternal life. This is His work and I’ve learned not to counsel Him. Sometimes that easier said than done, but it is still true.
I’ve learned to trust Him, even though it isn’t always easy.
The reason I started this blog is to let others know the thorny path I have traveled with the hope that it might be helpful as they thread their way along their own.
Thanks for your comment. Others will read it and will have their faith lifted.
I hope your baby(ies) are doing well and are close to you. God bless.
To Debra and others out there…
Maybe there is this part of our faith that we doubt and God knows it. He wants us to see this. He wants us to never doubt no matter what. No matter what horrible despicable things happens to us or others. He wants all of us to know that either there is a point where we will give up on him and blame him or we will like Job or Moses and never give up on him. To us these matters might seem so entirely soul wrenching, but to him- a God who is omnipotent and who’s glory and intelligence surpasses all comprehension- it is but a simple test that we must pass or we cannot receive what he has in store for us
whether that be in this life or the next.
We may think that our trails are worse than most, but if you read the Scriptures you will find the many stories of what people go through are probably worse than yours. Maybe if you live your whole life and you learn this one thing you have accomplished all that God wanted you to do in this life. This would be more evident that God does love us and in the deepest and most real way he proves us and purifies us like pure gold burnt and heated multiple times until it is clean and ready.
Its not that what you want God won’t give to you, its that what you want God knows is not what you need. What most of us need is the refiners fire that takes us to where we have never been before- the nucleus of our problems, not the outer shell that we can only see.
We may be really good people to ourselves and to others, but God knows what we are really made of. He knows where we will fall short. Where we need to be stronger: Read Either 12:27-28. Abraham 3: 23-27.
Our Trials are horrible, but a eternity never getting over our biggest problems and living a eternaly damned life is worse. Baby’s have been murdered, Women have been rapped, and the greatest symbol of love was crucified on the cross. Don’t be full of malice and hate, forgive and forget. To the very ones who he created and still loved, the Holy Savior said to those men who pierced him- “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do!”
Take heart you are a disciple of Christ.