There are many ways our faith can be challenged: death of a loved one, health, sin (our own or someone else’s), unrequited love, church doctrine, the temple, conflict between science and faith, church history, and tension with church leaders, just to name a few. Sometimes these or other circumstances can create a crisis of faith.
When a crisis surrounds and engulfs our life something has to give way. It can be likened to an irresistible force meeting an immovable object, or a clash of titans. The scripture refer to this as a “trial of faith”. In some situations, we either find our way to God or we can give up on Him in some meaningful way. Those who find their way to God by wrestling with Him in mighty prayer can experience manifestations of the Spirit that increases their faith significantly. The Lord has told us He will “try the faith of my people”. I know by experience the transforming power of these kinds of trials.
In some trials it is as though the Lord takes us by our very hearts strings and wrenches them to the extent that we feel we are going to die of a broken heart. In other situations, the trial’s duration exhaust our physical and or spiritual stamina to the point that we don’t know if we can endure a moment longer.
As I write these words, I recall anew the pain I’ve experienced from these kinds of trial. I would prefer to say nothing more, but when I undertook writing about faith I realized I would be required to relive some difficult and very personal experiences. I am motivated by a strong desire to help my family and church members realize that Heavenly Father is nearby if we are willing to pay a price and really want to include Him in our life.
When I returned from my church mission I assumed Heavenly Father would bless me to find a wife right away. After all, getting married is one of the first orders of business for a returned missionary. On top of that, I was older because I was drafted into the army and then went on a mission.
Within a few months I found the perfect girl to marry. We dated for over a year and started talking about temple marriage. Everything appeared to be in order. However, I hadn’t understood her as well as I had thought. When she learned more about my years of inactivity prior to my mission, she decided to break off our relationship and in the process broke my heart (I’ve written in detail what happen next in My Experience with the Savior). I’ll give an abbreviated account here.
I turned to the Lord for help. I plead with him to bless my girl friend with a change of heart. I promised the Lord I would be the best husband and father imaginable. After praying this way for awhile a question came to my mind that I knew was from the Lord, “lovest her more than me?”
With this unexpected and starling question presented to my mind, my prayers changed. I focused my attention on the Savior. I recalled my sins and cried many tears of regret. I plead with the Lord to apply the atoning blood of Christ so I could be forgiven. After a few days of earnestly praying for forgiveness a pain entered into my heart that I had never before experienced. It’s difficult to describe, words can’t convey exactly what I felt, the best words I can come up with are spiritual agony. It was intense and brought me to the realization of my unworthiness before God. I was now praying many hours a day. When I wasn’t praying my heart was drawn out in prayer. I couldn’t stop, prayer flowed from me with great intensity. I was determined, having an unshakable faith, confidence, and trust I would receive an answer.
I raised these earnest, heart-felt prayers for a two to three week period. One evening as I was preparing for bed, all I could do was kneel by my bed and say a very short prayer; I was physically and spiritually exhausted. I reminded the Lord that I was going to continue to call upon Him until I received an answer. A few minutes after getting into bed in the throes of a gloomy and forlorn mood, I felt something in the room change, as I focused my attention I realized the spirit had entered the room and my heart, and joy replaced gloominess and sadness! It was like a refreshing breeze entering into a hot and stuffy room. I knew I was to get out of bed and open my scriptures. The page fell open to D&C 84 and I started to read at verse 44. As I read these words, I knew the Lord was speaking to me, and when I read verse 61, I knew that my sins were forgiven. I raised a silent shout of joy to my Savior!
A week or two later, while at Sacrament meeting I received another manifestation of the spirit—while taking the sacrament I experienced the presence of “fire”. I looked around the room to see if anyone else was aware of what I was experiencing. I wasn’t sure what had happened but I knew it was from God. I felt peace, love, and joy, and raised my voice in prayer thanking the Lord for his great kindness to me. I felt clean and pure and extremely close to Heavenly Father.
My girl friend and I broke up a couple of months after this experience. I cannot describe the pain and unrest I felt, but I had told the Lord his will be done, for as much as I loved her, I loved the Lord more. I prayed that I would be able to stand up under the afflictions that came to me, and I had faith the Lord would continue to be with me in my trials.
For several nights, when my heartache was at its worst, I was visited by the Holy Ghost and learned for myself what the scriptures mean about the Holy Ghost being a “comforter”. What can I say to you as a reader of my words to convey the least part of what I experienced? Just know that God is love and he desires to heal us from our sins. He wants to give to us the gift of eternal life! When Nephi says, “He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh”, I can verify his words and bear a similar testimony with my own lips because of the experiences the Lord gave me in the days of my severest trials.
It’s important to understand that there are different kinds or degrees of repentance. The first kind that all of us are familiar with occurs when we pray for forgiveness when we sin. For example, should we swear, get angry, exaggerate, have lustful thoughts, or sin in a thousand different ways we can ask the Lord to forgive us and he will. Before I went on my mission I searched my soul and felt the Lord had accepted my repentance. The church leaders accepted my repentance and gave me a mission call. I worked hard as a missionary and when I returned home I kept myself temple worthy.
There is a second kind of repentance that I experienced when the Lord forgave me after I plead with him.
From the day I first went through the temple as a newly called missionary to the every day I am writing these words I have maintained temple worthiness. I haven’t been perfect, my wife and children know that, but I when I have fallen short I have called on the Lord to forgive me.
This describes my situation after breaking up with a girl I had dated for over a year. the crisis that brought them to God becomes less important now that they are basking in the arms of His love.
Keys of Understanding
In order to conquer the crisis of faith that finds us we need to know a few things about God. The following scripture says it well.
And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. John 17:3
Question: What do we need to know about God?
Heavenly Father has given His children the Holy Scriptures. They contain the words of the prophets, and reveal Him to those who diligently seek.
The following list contains a few of the essential characteristic the scriptures reveal about God that we need to have engraven on our souls when the storms of life beat upon our house.
Note: The scripture citation below are active links–click to view them.
1. God is our Heavenly Father (Acts 17:29, Alma 40:11)
2. God is love (1 John 4:16)
3. God knows all things (2 Nephi 9:20)
4. God is perfect (3 Nephi 12:48)
5. God is merciful (Alma 42:15)
6. God will prove us by trial (Abraham 3:25, Ether 12:6, Mosiah 23:21)
7. God sent his only begotten Son to save us in our crisis (Alma 7: 11-12)
11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Alma 7:11 – 12
Summary
To be true followers of God we must be willing to follow Him when a crisis to our faith envelops us. The purpose of mortality is to become a joint-heir-with-Christ and return to the presence of God the Father. This blessing comes to those who are willing to look to God when being tested in the crucible of their circumstances.
God doesn’t make mistakes, He is perfect! He loves us perfectly and will try our souls to expand them. We must be willing to pass the test, no matter how unfair it may seem at the time.
President Monson said:
Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order for us to be tested, we must face challenges and difficulties. These can break us, and the surface of our souls may crack and crumble—that is, if our foundations of faith, our testimonies of truth are not deeply embedded within us. “How Firm a Foundation,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 62, 67–68
Elder Dallin Oaks said:
Like the mortal life of which they are a part, adversities are temporary. What is permanent is what we become by the way we react to them…Our adversities can be the means of obtaining blessings unobtainable without them. Ensign, July 1998, p. 9.
The choice is ours. We can follow the paths of pride or humility to their reward.
