I read something from my journal this morning that I thought some readers might relate to. It’s very personal, but I decided to share it.
In June 2011, I was driving to the book store to see what new books were available. On the way, I reflected on the many blessings the Lord has granted to me. As I did, I felt sorrow enter into my heart. I felt bad about my lack of progress in becoming the man I would like to be in the eyes of the Lord. As I drove, I said to Heavenly Father, I’m sorry that I haven’t been more useful to your work. You must have many followers who are a lot more intelligent and capable than I am. I wish I could be like them, you must derive a great deal more pleasure from them than an anxious and annoying person like me.
When I arrived at the bookstore, I browsed through the latest LDS selections. As I picked up a book titled, Walking on Water, by Michael Wilcox, I asked Heavenly Father if there was a message in this book He would like me to see. I randomly opened to page 164 and read the following.
“Sometimes I say to God—as I strive for perfection—…’Father, don’t give up on me. I’m trying. Don’t let me fail. Please don’t get discouraged.’ I’m always directed by the Spirit to the words of Isaiah when he wrote, ‘[God] shall not fail nor be discouraged, till he have set judgment in the earth’ (Isaiah 42:4). Then I hear the Lord say, ‘Michael, if I’m not going to be discouraged until the whole world is a place of righteousness and judgment, do you think I’m going to be discouraged with you, when you want so badly to please me and to conquer yourself? I don’t get discouraged, Discouragement is not part of my character, I am not impatient. I am never anxious. I do not give up. Keep trying.'”
It meant a lot to me. It was like a note from Heavenly Father in answer to my prayer. It taught me not to think of Heavenly Father as a mortal, fallen man. He doesn’t get discouraged or give up like a fallen, mortal man or woman.